overcoming my commitment issues

There’s something liberating in realising your own faults. For a long time I couldn’t be independent in relationships and struggled with severe commitment issues emanating from a place of unaddressed hurt and trauma.

I recently started dating and for the first time in my adult life I can honestly say I’ve overcome my commitment issues. I don’t want to play games. I don’t want anybody else. I just want to be in a committed relationship. Although I’ve only just begun dating someone, the point is that my intentions are clear. I know I could get hurt but jumping into the unknown is a necessity. Without it, we stifle our own growth and progression. This new-found sense of maturity has liberated me. I feel I’ve entered into a different realm, one in which I can truly embrace the variety of unknowns this world offers. I say offers because I do genuinely believe all unknowns offer us the potential to learn and grow from the experience, even if it’s an event which can be painful or scary.

Maturity means realising that each person you meet is distinct and different. Maturity means realising that dating and relationship require a balance of vulnerability and independence, both of which strengthen the basis of any connection shared between two people. Communication skills are essential to ensuring any relationship can thrive. Listening is equally as important. Most of my fears and insecurities have slowly faded into the background. I’m no longer driven by my envy. I’m not possessive or afraid.

I guess things change with age. I can’t describe to you this feeling. This feeling of wanting to be desired and wanted, but simultaneously knowing my own worth and that nothing will compromise my own self-respect.

Being in therapy has taught me a lot. Although I haven’t been to therapy in awhile, I’ve considered how deeply my childhood upbringing impacted my ability to fully commit myself to others. Recognising now as an adult that I no longer need to carry that burden around is liberating. I truly feel free to start this next chapter of my life. Accepting what has been and embracing the present is the way forward.

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